Wedding Decisions for the Budget-Minded

I’ve written before that I’m solely responsible for paying for my wedding.  (The fiance is currently paying down debt so we can enter the marriage completely debt-free.)  Unfortunately for us, I’m not loaded with cash, inheritances, or incoming financial gifts of any sort.  So what’s a girl to do?  Here are some of the options I considered:

1. Don’t get married

Some will laugh at this idea, but it really is worth a consideration.  If a couple isn’t able to afford a wedding financially, then can they really afford all the things that come with marriage?  I’m talking children, a home, combining finances, or even a divorce and division of assets.  Two things come to mind when I think about this option: the Teen Mom MTV show and Katy Perry.  Many of the reality stars on Teen Mom are not financially-prepared enough (or mature enough) to get married so young.  Given that fact, it would be unwise for them to commit their lives and finances to each other so early in life!  Katy Perry and Russell were at the other end of the spectrum.  After four months of dating, they were completely able to afford their rock star wedding… and after only a year of marriage, Katy almost had to pay Russell $20 million in the divorce because they never created a pre-nuptial agreement.  (Ah, California marriage laws!)

I don’t think this option is suited for me.  My fiance and I have been together continuously for the past seven years and are intent on continuing to build a future together.  Plus we love reasons that get all of our friends together, and what better reason than love itself!

2.  Forgo or postpone the reception until a future date.  Get married by the justice of the peace.

This option is fantastic but can also be difficult.  Getting married at the courthouse and saving the wedding until a year or so later is actually quite common among people I know.  The fact is that the reception is the expensive part of a traditional wedding, not the exchange of vows.  Postponing the reception (but not the vows) gives couples a chance to commit to each other immediately and even file taxes as married long before the party takes place.  I’ve also heard of college students getting married at the courthouse in order to get tax perks, and then deciding after college whether they want to be emotionally married as well or just go their separate ways.  I’d highly caution anyone thinking of doing this because of the legal, emotional, and financial risk involved!  (E-mail me if you are, because I’d love to talk it out with you!)

This option is also not for us.  We currently have a 2-year engagement in the works.  Postponing any longer makes us seem like we’re still not committed (after 7 years together), and I’m not ready to tie my life and finances to someone until we’ve gone through all the pre-marriage counseling and are ready to share the whole shebang with our friends.

3. Have a backyard-style wedding

We’ve been to two absolutely amazing backyard weddings and I was really considering this option!  The first was for my future sister-in-law.  She wed in her parents’ backyard: one brother catered the event, another DJ’d the events, and my beau was a jack of all trades with the prep-work and demolition that preceded the wedding day.  It still cost the couple ~$15,000, but most of it was in permanent improvements/additions to the family house that are utilized at every family gathering.  The second backyard wedding I attended was at a bride’s parents’ country farm.  Very few friends had been there before, and the convenience made it really easy and cheap to organize and execute the event.

I suggested to my fiance that we could potentially be wed at his family reunion house (w/ several acres of gorgeous available space) or in his parents’ backyard like his sister’s wedding, but the former was too far from all of our friends and there would be no local hotels and the latter was dismissed because he wants his family to be relaxed and responsibility-free on our wedding day.

4.  Ultimately frugal (“intimate”) wedding

Ah, the $2,500 wedding á la G.E. Miller at 20-Something Finance.  Admirable, responsible, and remarkable for all the right reasons.  I could probably go into the other advantages of a frugal wedding like this one (such as saving the money for a down payment on your first home together), but I truly feel that each couple will have to decide what type of wedding they need.  Especially if parents’ have any sort of “required” guest list as many of them secretly do.  🙂

Living so, so, so far away from family and friends AND deciding not to do a backyard wedding, it was easy to rule this one out.

5.  Destination Wedding

Destination weddings have a popularity with the 25 and up crowd.  These are different, cash flow is usually better for the bride and groom as well as guests, and air travel makes everything really accessible.  Destination weddings can also be big money savers!  All-inclusive resorts mean you can offer your guests free booze, food, and entertainment over the course of several days with the majority of the bill at the guests’ expense.  Plus, if you’re a bride at a beach wedding, your dress will likely be far less elaborate (thus cheaper) than a bride who is walking down the church aisle.  There’s also the possibility of further discounts by asking for “group rates”.

This is our personal winner… and we’re having a destination wedding!  We were engaged at a destination wedding and we had a ridiculously good time as guests.  The bride and groom were watching their wallets because they are living and working in NYC and were already paying money towards their graduate studies.  Since the guests paid so much on travel, the bride and groom refused wedding gifts in favor of the “gift of presence”.  The cost of a destination is highly variable (depending on the destination and where guests will be departing from), but the total wedding costs can be as cheap as $5,000 for a week-long getaway.  I hired a travel agent to help us find a destination for ours — travel agency services can be free! — and I’m told that the Dominican Republic and Mexico are the two most budget friendly options for United States citizens.  Obviously, many consider Mexico unsafe, but all of our friends already went to the DR last year for the other wedding.  I’ll be sure to post updates and projected costs as we get around to those.

If you are/will/were planning a wedding, which of the options listed above would best fit you?  Where would you go if you were having a destination wedding?